Tag: humor
member name: Gerald_Waving my Freak-flag High Brewster
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March 08, 2007 05:24 AM EST --
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan
My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, . . .
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March 09, 2007 12:23 AM EST --
George: Grace, those are beautiful flowers. Where did they come from?
Gracie: Don't you remember, George? You said that if I went to visit Clara Bagley
in the hospital I should be sure to take . . .
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March 09, 2007 08:11 PM EST --
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough
blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
Robin . . .
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March 03, 2007 05:45 AM EST --
A lady friend of mine sent me this in an e-mail. Thought I'd share it:
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow . . .
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March 05, 2007 03:04 PM EST --
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know . . .
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March 18, 2007 04:45 PM EDT --
A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.
Mae West
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Mae West
Between two evils, I always pick the . . .
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March 19, 2007 09:51 AM EDT --
A varied selection of quotes (once again, I must apologise for the spacing...the "remove formatting" tool appears to have no effect on it):
"To laugh often and much; to win the . . .
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March 29, 2007 04:01 AM EDT --
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
George Burns
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns
It . . .
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March 22, 2007 09:27 PM EDT --
"You are only as young as the last time you changed your mind."
Timothy Leary
"ave, Caesar, morituri te" (hail, Caesar, we who are about to die salute you)
Roman Gladiator . . .
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March 24, 2007 04:13 PM EDT --
GOD is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
Common sense is not so common.
Voltaire
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
Voltaire. . . .
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April 07, 2007 03:33 PM EDT --
You can run with the big dogs or sit on the porch and bark.
Wallace Arnold
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The
man who walks alone is likely to find himself . . .
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March 28, 2007 01:05 AM EDT --
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais (1732-1799)
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly . . .
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June 25, 2007 06:23 PM EDT --
"When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was silent because I don’t deal drugs. When they took the Sixth Amendment, I kept quiet because I know I’m innocent. When they took the Second Amendment, . . .
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July 25, 2007 08:56 PM EDT --
All styles are good except the tiresome kind.
Voltaire
All the reasonings of men are not worth one sentiment of women.
Voltaire
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. . . .
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September 21, 2007 11:57 PM EDT --
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. . . .
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April 06, 2007 03:26 PM EDT --
The Porky we all know and love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmzxOh89vbQ&mode=related&search=
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May 07, 2009 04:34 PM EDT --
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the
small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately, it's . . .
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March 05, 2007 12:10 AM EST --
"A woman drove me to drink, and I'll be a son-of-a-gun but I never even wrote to
thank her."
W C Fields
"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink; that's . . .
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March 05, 2007 12:37 AM EST --
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness . . .
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